There once was a baby called Merlin
So delicious it was quite concerning!
All that saw him just fell
In his magical spell
Now more mischief than tricks he is learning!
There once was feller called ollie,
Who could sometimes be found off his trolley.
In a hammock he swings,
He creates lots of things,
At his parties we all can be jolly!
There once was a lady called Bells
From whom beauty and vigour propelled
Once a yurt was her purpose
Now with Mark love is surplus
Now its contracts and laughter she sells
There once was a feller named Eoin
Who would loose his own mind without knowing
With a smile on his face
He’d get lost in disgrace
The missed calls on his phone would start growing
There once was a feller named Enda
Put a bet on a horse named ‘pretender’
When it came in last place
he just laughed in disgrace
He’ll be driving his cab till September.
There once was a feller called Niall,
Who drove for troy chauffeurs a while.
All would know his repute,
With his smile and his suit,
He’s a crazy ass charmer with style!
There were times I was an eygit and the dog house I was in
And you’ve had your moments – that we can be sure.
We’ve had barneys where we thought we might commit a mortal sin
But each time we’ve come back stronger than before.
We’ve had times of countless madness joined together in our quest
We have stories we could tell for years to come.
We’ve been drinking buddy’s, training pals, a quiz on who knows best,
Best leave lovers case this gets read by your mum!
Mostly up and we’ve been down (again I said we’d leave that out)
We have traveled far and shared most of our life.
But our journey’s not yet finished and of that I have no doubt
So to you I say: “you want me for a wife?”!!!!
The time has come at last for Jue and Dozzy’s joyous day,
It only took a thousand years to wed’ without delay.
You are invited for some vows, a drink, a dance, a meal,
(It’s on a farm so Dozzy can pretend that it’s not real)
The lovely pair have two great boys, a house, their life is great,
But honeymoon’s not been addressed, and garden is a state!
So, if you’re stuck for gift ideas, I’ve got a hint for you,
I know they’re fine for toasters/frames, just need a bob or two!
So please be there excitement builds, advice I’ll give is this-
The antics and tomfoolery, you will not want to miss!
Of course, it’s all about the vows, we’ll all be so impressed
You’re welcome and I’ll see you there – I’m sure in your best dress!
When all you want’s your perfect day, that’s not too much to ask?
A bride or groom that’s conscious or not forced into the task.
Your uncle Bert to not arrive inebriated first,
Your cousins not to make a scene and make your uncle worse!
The band to play some savage songs, the place will all be rockin’,
Uncle Bert is dressed as Rambo using Auntie’s stocking.
The food to all be gorgeous, not a hint of salmonella,
Your best mate Sam to leave the night attached to some hot fella.
So much to think of, most of which is out of your control;
The weather or your Uncle Bert who’s mad to play his role.
The time then comes to say, ‘I do’, then once the deed is done –
You’re free to make a holy show – relax and have some fun!
Note to my Betrothed!
The reason why I love you, should be so plain to see,
If we were youngsters, I would carve our names onto a tree.
Our children are quite metal, but they made us both grow up,
But we had to calm the antics when we bought our boxer pup.
It’s not because your vocabs’ great – you mostly get it wrong,
You are so hot and saucy we just love to ‘get along’!
You’re disappearing more and more into Troy studios,
Tell them keep their hands off – let them know you won’t propose!
It’s not because you’re like a washer woman round the place,
But when we’re hanging always there’s a smile upon my face.
It’s not because you’re never wrong or circle round my plate,
I suppose its coz when we first me we found a real soul mate!
Things were far from perfect in poor Cupid’s world of love,
He’d missed his targets yet again, now words came from above.
We cannot say his boss’ name for regulations sake,
So ‘Mr. G’ we’ll call him, no objections would be great.
So hapless Cupid thought about his wife and gorgeous kids,
Why couldn’t everyone on earth have lovely lives like his?
He waited as his sweaty palms ran down his trusty bow
Outside the big guy’s office, was his fate to stay or go?
“What’s going on?” said Mr. G with anger on his face,
“Divorce is up and marriage down your work is a disgrace!”
Poor Cupid hung his head in shame, probation had begun
His judgment and his aim were off he needed a new plan.
Now Cupid and his lovely wife were such a cozy fit,
They loved each other even though they were quite opposite.
Their road was sometimes bumpy, many mountains they had climbed,
But underneath they always came out with a love sublime.
Mrs. Cupid was the boss, a strong and feisty sort,
She took no crap from anyone and dancing was her sport.
She was an Angel in the field of medicine no less,
And sorted out the souls that came so they could be at rest.
Her kind and caring character held hands with her career,
Prosecco, gin and talking closed her nights with joy or tears.
Cupid was a witty type who loved his sitting room,
He loved the sofa with some beers while watching Liverpool.
United with their love for music, festivals and gigs,
His vibe was chilled and so laid back, hers colored afro wigs.
Their family would help them out and, on the town, they’d creep,
Recovery was on the cards – for him a lovely sleep.
So, Cupid and his lady love lived with their two wild lads,
With friends a plenty, always was commotion to be had.
He loved his nights out with the lads and many he could boast,
He played his vinyl’s loud and clear and entertained the ghosts.
Remembering ‘the man upstairs’ he stroked his chin a bit,
His choice of lovers had to change then arrows aim would hit.
He looked below and searched the earth – to fail it was berserk!
His family were due a break, the garden needed work.
Then suddenly a light came on above his pensive head
“Forget these youngsters I should back experience instead!
I need a couple who’ve been round the block with whom I’d trust,
A family that hits the mark, a family like us!”
Then Cupid’s eyes came resting on a house in Bayston Hill,
“Get off that sofa!” Came a voice – this one would fit the bill!
Cupid found his cross and bow and aimed it nice and steady,
He hit them both the occupants a wedding now was ready!
And after that the arrow that was shot from Cupids’ palm,
Created love that bound them both together on a farm.
The man upstairs he smiled at cupid “that was a slam dunk!
Go get your wife we’ll all go out and get completely drunk!”
We wish it wasn’t over it was all we dreamed it be
We’d do it all again next week if they would waive the fee!
It meant so much to have you there and see each smiling face
You are a crazy, lovey bunch – not many a disgrace…
We’d like to thank you for your gifts and coming to our day
You’re legends the whole lot of you, may good things come your way
Humorous Song Lyrical Rewrite
Live Your Life Merlin
Never Be Somebody
More recitals can be found on the videos section of my Facebook page.